If you’ve read my newsletters or emails in the past year, you realize I sign most “With joy and ease, Debra “.When I write “with joy and ease”, am I attempting to convey for your requirements that I’m constantly joyous and everything in my life is a cinch? (In other words, am I LYING?) Certainly not.
With this signature I plan to remind you and myself to choose the path toward fulfilling purpose that feels joyous and easy. In the flow. Right for us. However, not exactly what feels this way also feels effortless.
Actually, over the entire year since I’ve refocused connect2 Corporation to guide women entrepreneurs to grow their businesses, I’ve frequently felt I’ve been powering through. Even though I’ve known I’ve been living the road that’s right for me – doing the professional work I’m meant to be doing plus looking after my children, my home and myself – often times I’ve allowed the quantity to obtain blaringly high. I’ve been doing the proper things but so many of them at the same time! Why? Because I’ve been afraid. Afraid when I decrease, my children will suffer. Or my business will suffer. Or my divorce process will decrease further. Or more. Or worse.
So around I’ve been practicing residing in connection with Spirit, I’ve been burning out my power supply. Pretty consciously. Not ready to see a better way because I was convinced I was right: I was alone, solely responsible. And apparently, because I was fearful of upsetting anyone – especially my clients or family members – I clung to these beliefs.
But about per month ago my motor burned out. (Please forgive my metaphors if they do not make mechanical sense.) I’d been gearing up for my divorce trial, scheduled for June 28 and 29. Expecting it to be physically and emotionally exhausting, I conserved my energy spotify a course in miracles. I chose not to attend a club mitzvah or perhaps a dear friend’s wedding – both out of town – to help keep focused. I swallowed my pride and faced my fears to request help. (And gratefully received it!) I did so my level best to get ready, to produce sound and rational choices. Of course, my days were still overly full. And I noticed things kept going wrong. These were not training with ease. I felt out from the flow. I sensed I was in power struggle. But I kept trying. And then, significantly less than fourteen days before the trial was scheduled to begin, I heard it was probably be postponed for at least six months. The adrenaline I’d been living off plummeted. And I crashed hard.
First, I cried. (For me, that is always an accomplishment.) Then I felt too drained to move. To see clients. To go back calls, even personal ones. To write. I was fried. I assumed this was all merely emotional, as postponement of the trial (and therefore its ultimate resolution) was deeply disappointing and frustrating to me. Turns out I also had strep throat. And then a sinus infection. All I really could do, for many, many days, was rest. I humbly postponed client meetings. I took a rest from typical marketing activities. I cancelled work outs. I stopped cooking. I knew I’d reached my limit.
Reaching my limit was a miracle. (My favorite definition of “miracle” is from A Course in Miracles: “a shift in perception.”) I finally shifted my perception of myself to someone permitted to stop. Someone for whom it’s safe to stop. Someone who are able to stop constantly moving, tend only to her needs, and survive it. Just for a while.
The kids understood. My friends understood. My clients were very kind about it. Dear people made time to create me food and execute a few plenty of our laundry. And I healed.
A Course in Miracles also says “Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The actual miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense exactly what originates from love is a miracle.” My miracle is that I finally loved myself enough to prevent looking after the rest and start nurturing only me. Naps. Bravo TV. Lots of books. Soothing music. Quiet time. Meditation. A few lovely days on Cape Cod in a fairly inn all by myself.
My fear when I stopped, everything would crash down around me — was False Evidence Appearing Real. Stopping was absolutely necessary. Ultimately rejuvenating. And I found energy and support to clear my ex’s possessions out my home. And to clean out everything the children had outgrown. Then I read and napped some more. The times were a cloud of alternating activity and rest – all off my usual beaten path.
Out of this whole experience I remembered I am loved, by my parents, friends, Spirit, myself, and people I didn’t even know have been thinking about me. After significantly more than fourteen days from business I figured I have to schedule regular, true downtime for myself – possibly even take 2 weeks from work 2-3 times per year. Radical. Easy. Lovely. Loving.